“Loving a child doesn't mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.”- Nadia Boulanger
I'm writing this post in the old bedroom of my parent's place. Two over-sized cabinets, one with several of the drawers misaligned with the tracks. The entertainment center bearing years of childhood books, a karaoke set, and trophies accumulated from my school years.
Ah, and my old bed. The one with the withered old yellow painted headboard. With every slight movement came a big squeak and creak. Certainly not like the king sized bed sans squeaking and creaking I slumber on nowadays.
It's strange how my parents are my parents, yet I see them in a different light. Everytime I come back here I remember how I asked them permission to do just about everything and hoped they would say yes.
Or how back in the day whenever Brad would come over, he'd have to sit on the chair or on the floor if I was on the bed. Never would we be allowed on the bed together. Oh, and door OPEN. This enabled quick viewing when someone passed by in the hallway to make sure we remained virtuous.
Or how I felt I didn't get to do what most kids my age got to do---go to parties, go on trips, stay out late, go places unaccompanied without my brother or my grandmother. Oh, how college was my reprieve for this! (College in another town.)
But now, I come and go with a new feeling (and still some old feelings) when I visit. I can leave with the boy I fell in love with 8 years ago and go home with him. Although when we do watch TV in my old bedroom we STILL don't sit on the same piece of furniture! (Not because it's still necessary,but rather for old times sake.) I can travel whenever I want (finances allowing), go to a party and stay up late, go places with whomever I choose.
And so, I look at my parents sitting there watching their daily dose of PBS specials on the television or Dad sitting at the computer or feeding one of their 4 stray cats thinking: how they raised me has enabled me to be as free as I am today. I don't say that with malice or ill feelings either. Actually, it's with much thanks. I don't think I would be where I am without their aid, their discipline, their expectations (at times impossible), their cultural-influenced way of raising me.
It's with these that has enabled me to steer clear of going down a dark path, doing things that I'd regret, graduate not once but twice with graduate college degree, begin the career of my calling, marry the love of my life with no hesitation, and build a home and future that would have been a lot more difficult had they not been like they had with me.
If you were to ask me a few years ago if I had a lot of freedom, I'd probably say "Hell no." But today, I would say, "Definitely yes." And much of it I owe to them. The truth is, I was never not free. It was that they held it close, guarded it, and knew that when the time came I would know what to do with it and use it. And today, it has made all the difference.
Much thanks and affection to my mother, father, and my beloved grandmother.
